The Pope of Chili Town (justplainbryan) wrote in i_am_not_crazy,
The Pope of Chili Town

Jake Gyllenhaal

To those of you who hold a serious torch for Jake Gyllenhaal. I know you're out there...

Well, well. It seems that old Jakey is now what is considered by many straight women and gay men as "teh HAWT". His PR people must have worked overtime for that transformation. To you Jake lovers out there, I hate to burst your "bubble" but rememeber that movie he was in a few years ago?

That's right, Bubble Boy! You are all in love with Bubble Boy, toilet paper in the bubble and all!

Aside from that I think, objectively speaking from a straight guy's perspective, the guy's face was made for radio. First the eyes. They are way too close together and are constantly in that "I'm stoned" droop. Second, his mouth is always in that stupid shit-eating smirk position. It's the kind of face I just want to punch repeatedly. Third, the nose looks like it was patched on from another face. It just does not belong!

And don't talk to me about "the amazing body he has". Please. If I had round the clock trainers prepping me for a military movie, I'd look like that too.

In fact, come to think of it, old Jakey is a complete PR fabrication isn't he? You're all in love with a fabrication! You might as well be in love with CGI animation! Doesn't anyone else see this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Goddammit I hate that guy.
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